I saw her alone on a street side as the taxi I rode slowed down at a very busy street. I really hated to go to this small city. Until I saw her, and I knew why I had to go.
Soon I stopped to catch her. She was looking so tiny and pale, still there not realizing I was just couple steps away from her. She changed so much since the last time I saw her at the funeral six years ago. But, still it was easy for me to recognize her, aside her very different hairdo. I knew her too well. Time may separate us finally, yet I knew that we’re always connected. She was something like a sister to me. She was my Louise when I were Thelma. She was my best friend.
It was only a few inches that I did not have to call her name to make her realize my presence. She stood still and was too stunned to speak when she finally saw me. There was something in the way she looked that made me think as if I were a ghost. Then she abruptly turned away trying to run but I was too fast to grab her hand. “Please, we’ve all missed you,” I whispered.
After a momentary silence, she turned her back again and fell into my shoulder. Her body was shaking. I hugged her and cried.
We were sitting facing each other in a small restaurant. She still spoke no single words and just sit there gazing at her bonny hand. I waited and immediately thought that it was useless. So I started. “I remember that time when you helped me runaway from Mr. Millard. I was nearly loosing my breath and about to give up running when I saw your mini cooper stopped by. You were just there offering me a ride.” I laughed and added, “You’re my saving grace! Haha.” I talked too excitedly that I almost didn’t notice that she was not making any slight move. She was not interested.
However I continued, “You just knew me that time, but you laughed like the happiest person when you were sure that you had saved me from that killer teacher.” The corner of her lip moved a bit to this. “You were always the happiest girl.” She still could not resist looking at her hand. And to see her like this made me sad.
And it strucked me that I missed her so much. I missed her strange voice when she was laughing. I missed the way she threw her silly jokes. I missed how she swore and yelled. How she was so good at embarrassing me by the way she talked so loud whenever we spent time at our school library. I missed everything about her.
I wish I dared to tell her that she had to forgive everything that had happened to her six years ago. I really wanted to tell her that she had to stop running away from the truth and that she had to endure the pain so she could live again. I really thought that her escape was pointless that she would never find what she was searching for.
But then the thought of Jordan just came up in my mind. That happy little baby. And my heart was stung. The image started to reappear. It was in the hospital when my best friend just knew that she was the only one surviving from the accident. The day when everything was taken away from her. When her world cracked.
She suddenly got up. And I realized that tears started raining down from her eyes. Trembling, she finally said words to me. “I’m sorry. I just can’t.” And that was the first and the last thing I heard from her before she went by.
I was taken aback by what I felt inside. And I never knew why I let her go at that time. I just hope someday she would find a road that would lead her home again. Like a road that led me here just to understand.
A prompt to daily post: connected & embarrassing.